I had a weird realization, today. It came as our normal devotional in seminary was being set up, and people were being called on to do certain thing, such as a prayer, or sharing a scripture. I raised my hand and for the 3rd time in a row, said that I'd lead the music.
I don't know why I do this, I persoanlly don't think I'm very good at leading music but I guess I can't be judged, so why not? Even though sometimes I volenteer without looking at the music first, and realized that I have no clue what I'm doing... Somehow my failures don't matter when I'm in seminary. Everyone is there to learn, and hey, if you can't do something, then you're in good company.
But it was while I was sitting at my desk, in the back row, on the far right side of the room, that I started to think.
"I Will Lead."
I always heard that as a chance to make a fool of myself and attempt to conduct music, but it was right there, in that small corner, that those three words started to sink in. What I had been saying for the past week and a half was not simply that I would lead music, but they also felt like they had a different meaning to them.
"I Will Lead"
Those words played around in my head for the remaining twenty minutes of class as I half payed attention to what the teacher was saying. Oh, what an amazing feeling they brought, what courage, what strength. It got me to thinking... I know that in school I'm not considered a leader. There are pleanty of people there that put themselves above me, and to tell you the truth, I don't mind. I'm just the small voice in the background that doesn't want to be heard; that doesn't really care to be heard. I have never really thought of myself as a leader, but here I was, the fourth time in two weeks, proclaiming that I'd lead... "But I can't lead..." that voice in my head said, "I'm not someone that people look up to. Why would they want to follow?"
No sooner had the thought come in to my mind, that I remembered something that was said to me a long time ago, that some of the Lords's greatest warriors and leaders were once no bigger than you. By height or any other standard, just remember that if you were meant to lead, The Lord will give you your voice when you are ready.
I hope that none of us will miss out on a chance to lead, even in the smallest of ways, when your time is right, you'll know.
:)
