Oct. 3, 2014
"Technically it's actually the 4th, but oh well. It's almost 3am and I just got back from homecoming almost an hour ago. Oh. My. Gosh. Best. Date. Ever! I loved every minute of it and I honestly wouldn't trade this night for anything. Is it possible to die from an overdose of joy? I think it might be happening. Ha, going to homecoming with Calvin was one of the best choices I've made in a while. I was extremely impressed with the way he acted tonight.
I can't even explain how happy I am right now! I mean, it probably won't last for long, but hey, let me live my fantasy. :P"
-A
Now, don't get me wrong, I can't tell you how many times a day a count my blessings and list them off in my head until I could write a novel. I live in praise of those who perform those small acts of service and kindness, and I try with all my might to think of ways to thank them, and to pass on their example.
But.
Today is a rare exception to those days of biting my tongue, and I just wanted to take a minute and share with you my tender mercies from the past few months, and it starts with this journal entry.
I know he might never see this, and I know myself too well to know that I might never tell him this myself, but I can't tell you how grateful I am to have had such an amazing friend. Last year this guy was one of the only people that acknowledged my existence on my first day of school, and literally brightened every day after by smiling and calling out my name as he walked by. My gratitude goes out to him for always being someone I could count on, and for sticking up for me when he didn't have to. He was an example to me in many ways; he taught me how to think deeper and even taught me that it is all right to be wrong. He was there to listen and give comfort when I was a thousand miles away from home, and I honestly can't think of a better example of a true friend. Somehow he kept me moving through all the crap I've faced. I can't tell you how eternally grateful I am to have had him around for the past year and a half and what a privilege it has been to know him.
But.
He taught me something even more important.
He might not know this, but he also taught me that I can be happy without a guy. He taught me that true happiness should come from within, that if you're living your life because you make yourself happy, then you won't need to fear the days when there is no one else to give happiness to you. This lesson was a little harder to learn then the rest, and I can't say that I am done learning it, because I fear I might never be, but I want to learn it; I want to apply it to every aspect of my life! I want to become someone that isn't afraid to be who I really am, that can learn to see life in a different perspective, someone who can be an example! I want to find my true happiness and share it with anyone who is willing to receive it.
To you young women out there, please, don't let yourself be consumed with the thought that you need a guy to bring you true happiness, that you need to have a crush on a guy, that you need his acceptance, his attention, his time, his anything. If you aren't happy with being by yourself alone, and having no praise from a boy or anyone else, then I promise you that you won't find true happiness anywhere else.
So yes, I can't tell you how grateful I am to have a friend like Calvin, he has truly taught me a lot.
